Thoughts about Rwanda

Enough of me! Enough of my country, my dear white well-doing brothers and sisters, enough of me and my dreams and hopes and fears, enough of all!

I had a bad day today, so I thought. Then I went to see the movie Hotel Rwanda. I have seen quite a few movies about the World War II, ones like Schindler´s List and The Pianist which show the victims as well as some like Conspiracy and Der Untergang/The Downfall which show the other side. This was something different but familiar as well. It is called the "African Schindler´s List" and so it was. It changed my perspective and turned the bad egoist day to something else.

How can man be so violent to another fellow being? How can one kill what was a brother, a neighbour, a friend? Never mind if you knew that person or not, just how can one get into that state of mind and no more care at all? And how can one, even if far away and a stranger, leave other fellow men and women to die when one could have the power to stop it all?

I have felt so many times ashamed being a Finn. I am proud of my home country and its achievements, I own huge respect for our grandparents who fought to keep the land free. But to be a European, a white person of good family, have a life never knowing fear, want, fight for the right to live... I have had my fights, we all have. And we have the right to feel anger and pain because of those even though they are of quite different scale and quality compared to those of some others. I do not want anyone say I have never felt sorrow or troubles because I live in a country that does fairly well. But I feel ashamed to forget it and keep on complaining about things that have no meaning in the bigger scale, not even to my own life.

During the massacre of Rwanda in 1994 they did not show many things on TV about it. Actually the Western world went on living quite happy for a time not knowing what was really going on. I was eleven at the time and even if they had showed something, it was forbidden from me to watch the TV news. But all the same while watching the movie today I felt the shame and anger arising - yes we did not know but we could have known if we cared any more than we did. We could have done great many things. Well not me, but some, it´s easy to say. But I take the blame as well.

I take the blame as well, maybe that is my problem. I think too much and I tend to take all the troubles of the world onto my personal care. But what I think is that one cannot care too much and hardly I do that either. How can I be miserable of some, even though they feel now big, problems of my life, when all that really matters is that not everyone can do the same? Some one actually worries his or her day how to simply survive. Some people actually rely completely on the benevolence of others. I am one of those who were expected and wished and desperately waited to come and help while people were losing their hopes of future in the hotel Rwanda. And I just did not care.

I tend to make the world better place by saying and thinking. And so what. It is better than say nothing, think nothing and do nothing. Saying and thinking is not much use without doing but it is a start from where useful, thought-through action grows. And maybe after hearing what some others say, also others will do something.