Swimming upstream

I am an upstream swimmer, I have always been and I hope I always will stay as one. It could also be just the slightly rebellious and passionate character of mine, which will calm down by and by when I get older. But I truly wish it will never calm that much I would not be able to question and critisize when I see the need of it.

I talked about it with a friend who said it´s a good attribute to own. Moreover, it´s something to respect. Why would it be so in the world where a mass is the most respected and most heard actor? Commercial world, which comes in and out everywhere you go to, depends only on these masses who decide which CDs to buy, which kind of non-fat, low-sugar (but totally un-ethical??) food is now popular and which clothes are in. And there is mass-culture, mass-media, mass-consuming, mass-music, mass-this and mass-that. And people do go with the flow. Not everyone though and not always and in all cases. There are people who contradict in something but go without questionning in something else. And it is only human, believe me, but is that really a good explanation for not contradicting something one does not own into their principles?

Why should one then be brave and stand out? Why should we need to contradict the masses? Why an earth to swim upstream when you can easily float with the person next to you if you don´t bother yourself too much with it? As said, it is well human and I do not blame anyone. Neither do I always have the courage to say what I really think. Instead I come here and write all I should have actually said and done. But still there are lots of little cases where one should be able to think on their own, make their own conclusions and act on their own according to what they think right - as these little cases make a big wholesome thing called life. I try my best to do that, not even close to always succeeding, but I have felt the older I get, the more courage I have. I was never very depending on what people think, not that I wouldn´t care, but because I just felt I have to do on my own. But after growing more adult it´s easier. I don´t want to live my life going with the flow and see some day I did not live like I wanted.

I have some of the old rebellious spirit and I am proud of it, even though the way I show it is not very fashionable as it also costs me sometimes more than should. My parents laugh at it a little, maybe they are happy their daughter is thinking on her own but also little concerned whether one should always make things as hard as I have tendency to do. I do not want to give up on what I think really worthy and I would stand up till the last breath of life for something I value most. At least I hope I would have the courage. I do not always win and that is not the purpose either. What I most would like the world consider more is the question of selfishness. I am selfish, too, most of us are in some ways, but in some things it´s more visible and more harmful that in others. I already talked in some previous post about how I find it hard to understand that economy and our own comfortability should prevent us from seeing how other people are doing. Giving up on something that only serves our own good is alright, and I try to learn how to do it. But where we cannot and where we should not give up are the principles of our actions and seeing the consequences further than our own small world. Further even than our own lives. This considers small things in life where we can make desicions that show what we hold most valuable. If you pay a couple of cents more for buying fair trade instead of the other product, does it really matter to your economy? Probably, even if student, it does not. But for the other part it does and here is something I just cannot understand. Thinking it doesn´t matter so much in the big picture, I don´t feel like it, it´s all the same, other people go on buying not so fair products anyway so what difference can I make... You get my point I think, so I will stop now.

Swimming upstream is not always easy, but who said life was suppoused to be easy? Better make it a bit harder if it is the way to maintain respect for my own principles, knowing I have done the right thing. Swimming upstream is not only for the principles and the other people I may protect or help on the way but it´s mostly for my own sake, to keep myself the person I want to be and especially the person I want to grow to be some day. Also to be the person God made me have chances to be if I do my part and don´t just give up because it might be hard at times.

Swimming upstream sounds lonely, but I can tell you, I would not be here still doing it without a few dearly appreciated friends who have swum along with me and helped me up on times the stream seemed too strong for me. My rebellious nature is quite soft after all and I do believe we need each other. Actually, that is the whole point of this upstream swimming. See around, see more than your own life, see where you have not yet been and see the people in countries you don´t even know exist. That is when you really start seeing the world.