Here we go again

I'm back. So far I've spent approximately 80 to 90 % of the new year abroad, which feels kind of great. While the weeks will start going by, the number will, eventually and unfortunately, decrease. In the need of a new plan, eh? I'm glad to be back at home, in a sense, thinking of good friends and things I know and the unbelievable easiness of living in Finnish. But I once again miss my French friends unbearably, and the culture of the controversial but ever so lovely town I already begin to know so well. I do have some plans considering it but we will see what happens within the next few weeks. In the meanwhile I'll start my first Finnish week in 2009 by dancing, dancing, dancing.

And I do know what's going on in the world, but I just don't have words to say anything about it. Today I read the main newspaper where one of the stories was about four children, left to starve in some house in the middle of their dead mothers and other people while the soldiers just some 80 meters away knew what was going on. Well they were finally found and rescued as well as you can in those conditions but who knows how many more real life tragedies are going on right at this moment, while I dream of Paris and drink tea in my maybe cold but perfectly safe and comfortable home in this silent afternoon of white January. Sometimes I cannot bear what they say to be the guilty of a white man, or well, a woman, which was given to me when I was born, and that sometimes just paralyses me instead of pushing me into the real world where I could actually do something. Something real... My tendency is to read everything I can of the catastrophes going on and then feel the unbearable need to fly in and be in the middle of it. Why? To feel that I am DOING something concrete instead of turning to the culture pages. I believe I could bear sorrow and troubles and fear and bad things of all kinds well enough but only if I am doing someting for those who suffer from it without an option. It's the silence and being alone in my peace that depresses me, because then I have time to think. And sometimes thinking is, even for a philosopher, the last drop.


Anyway. The new year for me so far has been a good one, hope it's been the same for you. More about Paris and my thoughts in France maybe later.