Sometimes I wonder if there is something strange in my life that does not exist in everyone elses' lives. It tends to go in such weird ways sometimes that I just cannot believe it - and yet it all makes sense, in the same twisted way. This applies to both good and bad things, I have a feeling things will go in a certain way and even though I try to pretend it can't be so, I will not go with this, still I know somehow how they will end up. Or then I am just the most cynical person ever lived - and by the way, just yesterday I almost had a fight with a friend blaming her to be so cynical and myself being the "believe good about everyone and everything" -girl. Yeah right. Today I am the most cynical person ever lived.
It is just so humanly unfair trying to be globally fair in one's own thoughts - this leaves no escape, no peace of even a small amount of time to feel for myself, to feel sad or frustrated or angry, when I just have to admit the facts and know all the way them being what they are and the uselessness of any tries from myself to change what has happened. I want to feel the negative and live after again. I do not want to be the most cynical person ever lived...
I lost something very dear and strongly hoped for today. I need to find new dreams and new life and certainly I will, but this has just happened a few too many times lately. I know life will go on and this will open new doors for me eventually - but please let one be angry and sad for the time being and get by and by rid of it. People need to feel. I need to feel. Without feeling there's no life, no breathing, no end for frustration and disappointment.
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Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in L.A.
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing
Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive
I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
Should I surface, this one-man submarine?
I only want the truth!
So tonight we drink to youth!
I'll never lose what I had as a boy
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive
Without love I won't survive
(Incubus: Love hurts)
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Thank God for friends. Really, no words to describe how much they mean. People who are just what they are and let everyone else be so as well. We had a good talk with one of the best ones ever enter my life and I felt ok walking back home. At least I am alive.
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