That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight

Sometimes I wonder if there is an inbuilt mechanism that prevents me being completely happy. And not just me, but the whole generation I've grown within. Sometimes I wonder if we were grown into a world too real too soon - maybe that causes all the sad news every now and then. We were already cynical at the age of ten, maybe even in kindergarten we were never so naive as our ancestors were. We are too scared to be happy since it's not very probable in this world it would last very long. And we are scared to feel too much at home somewhere since it's not very probable that would last very long, either. Along the history, when the lackings were more concrete like food or heating or other material goods, they were easier to confront. Now we are materially more than well, but metaphysically not so. A constant fear of an unknown that cannot be concretisized does not do good. It makes us unsettled, incapable to commit, unsure of ourselves and our place in this world. It makes us too scared to just live, love and work, like they used to. It makes us search for new limits, new beliefs, new truths that would give us better answers. That would give us any answers for that matter.

I had my exam on International Relations yesterday evening, hence the melancholic transworld thoughts. For someone like me the topics in this field of study are more addicting than chocolate.

In spite of my save the world -attitude, today I've had a great, obligation free Saturday with a good friend. After eating too much good food and dessert I ended up watching old music videos. Sometimes I've got a strong need to feel I'm part of the chain of generations, a piece in the human history, however chaotic it has been and yet will be. I've already got my own memories relating to these musics, just like my predecessors got theirs, too, and I wish someday my kids will have their own ones. Once again my life would be reducable to a good sequence-rich CD collection. Music just is that good.

Listen to Wild World by Cat Stevens and Losing My Religion by R.E.M. In the meanwhile I'm off to the second to last opera performance.